Every few years, I invite readers and colleagues to contribute guest columns in the series Technology and my Hobby/Passion. A couple of hundred have contributed since 2009 on their birding, charities, cooking, music, sports and every other passion, and how it keeps evolving with technology. Click here and scroll down to read them all.
This time it is all-around nice guy, Jeff Stiles who has spent over 30 years focusing on all aspects of enterprise software and analytics with notable companies including Cognos, Peoplesoft, SAP and Oracle where he most recently led the Supply Chain and Manufacturing Product Marketing as well as Industry Solution Marketing teams. He is pictured with 2 of his other passions – his 1968 RS SS Camaro (with 23K original miles) and his 3 Australian Shepherds. That is Bowser, the middle boy:
“Don't take for granted the love this life gives you
When you get where you're going don't forget turn back around
And help the next one in line
Always stay humble and kind
--Tim McGraw "Humble and Kind"
I’m certainly not where I would like to be, but I am one of those people who cares deeply about helping others in their careers and lives. It’s been a great experience mentoring people in very different stages of their careers, and it is incredibly rewarding to see their growth in skills, competencies -- and in life. This post summarizes a few key learnings, essential techniques and the power of helping people capitalize on their potential and includes links to helpful resources and some of my writing on these topics.
With intent and a will to grow, Mentorship is rewarding and fulfilling for both parties if there is a solid connection, a similar moral compass and aspirations for growing and learning. If you're seeking a mentor, know why you are seeking help and guidance, and look for a person with specific experiences that can help you grow. And don't be afraid to ask! I've learned through the years that people are generally willing to help. As a person seeking guidance, know what experiences, skills and competencies you want to develop and use that to narrow the potential list. Interested? Get Started and Choose Well.
The best mentoring relationships are lasting and transcend a fixed scope and duration. The foundation of these successful partnerships is long term investment on both sides. To be a great mentor, you need to commit to give, to help, to be direct, honest and constructive... and you need to be willing to openly share you own experiences, successes, failures and learnings.
Helping someone grow and actualize takes time, effort and perseverance. It takes intent and a willingness on both sides to do the work, to be authentic and direct... It takes commitment to grow. There's a Yin and Yang in this. By helping others, you grow as a leader and as a person. For people seeking or beginning to work with a mentor, please have an open mind, check your ego at the door, and commit to put into practice the things you learn.
Great mentors teach people how to think, not what to think. The most important approach I use (in mentoring as well as in business) is working backward from outcomes to determine how to make a difference. This requires honest reflection and humility on both sides. A technique you might consider is asking someone how they want to grow and asking them to write a series of 'headlines' that reflect what the impact is going to be in each area. I also encourage you to think about this over time; people grow at different paces, and it's important to calibrate the expectations and results so they are realistic and achievable.
It's amazing to me that (at least in Western cultures) we are taught to read, write and speak... but most of us do not receive formal training or guidance on listening. The result? Most people I come across listen to respond, not to understand. That's why the most important and impactful thing I talk with every mentee about is Active Listening. The key is paying attention to what the speaker is attempting to communicate and elicit clarification where necessary for comprehension. It also requires shedding our inherent biases… and the deep-seeded bias toward response.
Remote work and reduced in-person interaction can get in the way, but fortunately, technology advances in video calls and collaboration help bridge the gap. I insist on using video wherever possible, but it’s also helpful to use other communications techniques appropriately. A quick text or instant message can offer words of encouragement or an expedient answer to a simple question. My rule of thumb: fit the medium to the message.
This post shares more about Active Listening, including seven essential techniques:
- Focus on the intent of the conversation
- Watch the speaker's body language
- Give encouraging verbal cues
- Clarify and paraphrase information
- Ask questions... and most importantly,
- Refrain from judgment, then you can
- Summarize, share, and reflect
Active Listening is a crucial part of getting people to agree, and it is helpful in every relationship and situation. I encourage you to learn more and put these techniques into practice, not only with folks in mentoring relationships... but in your business and personal lives. You'll end up with a better shared understanding -- and better results.
The whole notion of having to sometimes push and sometimes pull applies to different mentoring situations. With early-stage mentees, I have a good idea of what I and my teams can offer and what the impact can be for both the person and the collective. I am very intentional with folks like this to help them understand global business, product, solution and channel marketing, and how to deliver value by addressing customer needs in a repeatable way. The interactions with folks like this tend to be more ad-hoc and focused on sharing lessons from things going on around the person and team as well as working on specific skills and competencies.
With folks further into their careers, there is great joy to be had in helping them actualize. One person wanted to learn the solution marketing discipline and to develop her impact as a marketer. We worked on very specific growth and skill areas, and I was able to help her most by modeling the behaviors and competencies she needed to develop. Directly editing and providing detailed feedback for both written content and presentations accelerated her learning curve and I found her very quickly modeling these techniques and approaches with others. This requires candor on the part of the mentor and an open mind and thick skin from the mentee, but the results are spectacular.
PushMePullYou. Know when to push, know when to pull, and make sure you're working together in the right ways move forward.
I had an uplifting revelation at my father's recent celebration of life. Among the other gifts I received from my dad, I learned that more than half of his former employees reached out to my stepmom after his passing, sharing stories of how he had helped them. And I got to reconnect with someone I met through him 40 years ago. She shared that he had been her mentor early in her career when she was looking to change occupations. Apparently, he gave her sage advice, helped her land that very job a year later, and became a true friend, advocate and inspiration for life. I love that I learned this from him and can only aspire to do the same for others. The Power of Advocacy shares what I’ve learned about playing the role of advocate.
Advocacy builds trust, deepens personal relationships and creates opportunities for people you believe in. Seek opportunities to celebrate both the accomplishments and potential of the people you are leading or mentoring. Be genuine, authentic, and real -- it's vital to grow your own reputation and credibility as a leader and a mentor -- the promise must come with a payoff.
I hope you will reflect on some of these important concepts: commitment to grow, long-term investment, working backward from outcomes, active listening, pushing and pulling and advocacy. Please consider how you too can help people around you. Turns out that the gifts you give become part of a life lived well.
Stay Humble and Kind, my friends.”
You can connect with Jeff on LinkedIn
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